Introduction: What is Emotional Intelligence?

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to identify, assess and control emotions in oneself, others and groups.

Emotional intelligence is a type of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour.

The term “emotional quotient” (EQ) was first introduced by two American psychologists in 1990. EQ is an abbreviation for “emotional intelligence quotient”. and is based on a theory developed by John D. Mayer, PhD, and Peter Salovey, PhD.

Emotional intelligence has been defined as the ability to identify, understand and use emotions appropriately, either in oneself or with others. It is a distinct set of skills that enables people to consciously regulate their own emotions and those of others to improve their quality of life.

The term “emotional intelligence” was coined in the 1930s by Dr Edward Thorndike, professor of psychology at Harvard University. IQ tests have been around for a long time, but they only measure cognitive abilities.

Emotional Intelligence (EI) tests aim to measure non-cognitive skills such as empathy, social skills and self-awareness, along with evidence of success in life. Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify, understand and manage your own emotions, to motivate yourself and others, to recognise other people’s emotions and feelings to build relationships or trust, to express emotions effectively to create a positive impact on others.

Some authors say that emotional intelligence is a better predictor of success in life than cognitive intelligence.

The difference between IQ and EQ

We usually measure people’s intelligence by focusing on their abilities in a particular area. What has not been fully appreciated is that their intelligence can be high in one area and low in others: someone can have a very high IQ (Intelligence Quotient) and a very low EQ (Emotional Quotient), for example.

Understanding this difference between IQ and EQ has helped explain many other significant human traits, such as personality, mental health and physical health.

What are the benefits of having a high EQ?

The benefits of having a high EQ are:

• better relationships with others
• better understanding of self and one’s own states
• better understanding of others
• more success in life
• more success in business
• greater success at work
• it is easier to stay calm in stressful, tense or emotional situations
• you are able to think clearly and stay focused at times when things get chaotic
• have more energy

The disadvantages of having a low EQ are:

• you frequently experience feelings of anxiety, tension and excitement
• have difficulty managing emotions when they arise and don’t know what is happening
• feeling out of control and experiencing high levels of stress and emotion
• seek safety through rigid rules, following a set structure
• need others to validate your thoughts, needs and feelings

How to develop your EQ and become more emotionally intelligent

There are several ways to develop emotional intelligence:

a) Self-monitoring and awareness : Focusing on the sensations that build up in your body when you feel a particular emotion.

b) Reflective practice: building skills through trial and error, reflection and feedback from others.

c) Cognitive Reassessment : Considering how well you have achieved something by meeting or not meeting personal goals.

e) Self-regulation strategy : Using inner monologue, imagery or physical activity to cope with stressors.

f) Emotional regulation: focusing on the positive aspects of a situation and/or thinking of less threatening alternatives.

g) Distraction: engaging in activities other than those causing distress.

f) Analysing one’s current situation in depth

b) Feedback from others about one’s own performance

g) Personal experience : Description of personal experiences related to the topic or situation

11 important emotions

The person who pays attention to inner experiences should know these 11 important emotions:

1) Anger: It is a feeling of intense and unpleasant excitement characterized by a hostile or aggressive reaction to what is perceived as wrongful actions.

2) Sadness: is an emotional response to loss, separation or failure.

3) Fear: Is the basic emotion some people experience when faced with danger. 4) Joy: It is a basic emotion that some people experience when faced with something pleasurable.

5) Disgust: It is an emotion that some people experience when they encounter something revolting, disgusting or ugly.

6) Surprise: It is the impulse to react or move suddenly when something surprising occurs.

7) Confidence: Is expressed by the presence of a person who makes others feel pleased or reassured.

8) Curiosity: is the desire to learn about something unknown, mysterious or unusual.

9) Guilt: is the act of assigning responsibility or liability to someone or something for an action, event or state of affairs.

10) Embarrassment: is a feeling of discomfort, embarrassment or shame that usually accompanies some criticism or external scrutiny

11) Love : feeling feelings of care, kindness, affection towards someone

Emotions are sometimes divided into primary emotions and secondary emotions. Primary emotions are the basic or “primitive” emotions of fear, anger and disgust. These often correspond to the presence or lack of safety, protection from threats, power (or lack thereof) and the presence of contamination. Secondary emotions are ‘more evolved’ emotions such as love, joy, guilt and shame.

All these emotions have a different range of intensity.

The experience of emotions is largely subjective and each person will feel emotions in their own way.

For example, someone who has been told they have cancer may try to cope on their own without seeking help from anyone else. Someone else in the same situation will immediately call their best friend.

The first step in dealing with emotions is for the person to identify what emotions they are experiencing. Emotions can range from simple feelings of happiness to extreme ones such as terror.

It’s equally important not to confuse an emotion with its cause, and it helps to isolate the cause of emotions in order to cope with them. You should be able to tell what emotion you are experiencing, what caused it and how it affects you. It is also important for them to find a way to cope with the emotion.

It is important for the person to be aware of their emotions and how they are feeling. This teaches them how to identify their emotions and how to control them so they don’t affect their mood or behaviour.

The 4 steps to improving emotional intelligence

Self-awareness is the first step to improving your emotional intelligence. This step is about understanding your own emotions and how they affect you. . To improve your emotional intelligence, it is important to understand how you feel and why you feel that way. For example, if someone says they are jealous of you, they may feel insecure. When you ask the person what they think about when they are jealous, this can help them to see the thought pattern behind their emotions and reveal their underlying thoughts.

Social awareness is the second step to improving your emotional intelligence. It’s about understanding other people’s emotions and how they affect them. . Actively listening to someone else’s feelings and acknowledging them is a form of emotional intelligence. Learning how to empathise with others means being able to identify what they are feeling and the impact these feelings have on themselves.

The third step to improving your emotional intelligence is empathy, which means understanding what someone else might be feeling in a given situation. You always want to be empathetic and show empathy towards others. If you see a girl crying on the street, you can ask her what’s wrong and try to help in some way. If someone is being harassed online, you can warn the bully about their behaviour or look for a way to make them feel included instead of excluded.

The fourth step to improving your emotional intelligence is putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, which means seeing things from their point of view. . This is how you can connect with other people and show empathy. This step can be difficult because it means taking a real risk to put yourself in another person’s shoes and feel what they feel, even when that person is very different from you.

Conclusion: The importance of emotional intelligence in our lives

It is important to be able to understand your own emotions in order to control them. It is also important for you to be able to understand the emotions of others so that you know how they feel and what they need from you.

Understanding emotions can help you to:

• calm yourself in difficult situations
• find ways to cope with any problems that arise in your life and find solutions to them
• understand how you feel and why you feel that way
• develop a more compassionate understanding of what other people are going through
• know when to let go, when you need to withdraw or when you need someone else’s support

In conclusion, emotional intelligence is a skill that can help you tremendously in your everyday life, if you decide to make it count.