If I suffered from perfectionism, chances are this article would never get published.

I would have rewritten it over and over again, looking for the comma I could add or take out, looking for that perfect word in context, thinking I hadn’t done enough research on the subject, or simply collecting my bibliography endlessly.

Because you can never know everything about a subject, and for a perfectionist that’s simply unacceptable.

What is perfectionism?

Perfectionism is often seen as a positive trait that makes you detail-oriented, conscientious and gives you motivation to produce something of high quality.

But that’s not the point of perfectionism. If it were, it would indeed be a positive trait. In case you’re wondering, there is such a trait, but it’s not perfectionism. The trait is called conscientiousness and it is part of the Big Five personality model.

The goal of perfectionism is to achieve perfection, not to produce something, not the end result.

In fact, the end result is replaced by perfection as the end goal.

If you’re a perfectionist, your end goal is to get everything perfect, not to finish what you have to do.

Being a perfectionist is not about having high standards (which is positive, for the most part), it is about having unrealistic or, better yet, unattainable standards.

So perfectionism rather prevents you from achieving what you set out to achieve.

On top of that, it can also cause a whole host of other mental and emotional problems.

Some people say they suffer from “healthy perfectionism” to justify their behaviour. But there is no such thing. If there is such a thing as healthy perfectionism, it is no longer perfectionism, but conscientiousness, as I said above.

But all this unjustifiably good reputation perfectionism has is what makes it less often seen as a problem. As a result, people are less likely to seek help to get rid of perfectionism. And that’s because they value their symptoms, thanks to this error of judgement. If we are talking about depression, for example, the person does not appreciate the symptoms of depression and wants to get rid of them. But when it comes to perfectionism, even though on the one hand he feels it is bad for him, on the other hand he also fears that if he eventually recovers from perfectionism he might lose something, become lazy or superficial or lose the appreciation of others.

This is of course untrue, but emotionally the person may still feel they are missing something.

This is a false danger because, as I said, perfectionism is not about the outcome. It rather prevents you from getting results, it doesn’t help you. Perfectionism is not a behaviour, it is an attitude, your attitude towards yourself and towards life.

Perfectionism is essentially self-sabotage. The perfectionist avoids mistakes at all costs and hopes to gain eternal recognition, glory and admiration. When in fact, in reality, it is precisely by making mistakes that you get results. Mistakes are essential to learning and development. You understand this best if you observe what a young child does: mistake after mistake, until he learns, without sitting around crying because he made a mistake, draws the necessary conclusions and simply moves on to the next thing that interests him.

When they make a mistake, perfectionists react emotionally much more strongly than other people and feel acute feelings of shame, guilt and anger. Perfectionists also tend to abandon a project more quickly than other people because they get discouraged more easily.

The paradox of perfectionism is that performance is intertwined with self-image. So when the perfectionist fails, not only is he sorry for not succeeding, but he feels ashamed altogether, almost ashamed for existing as a person. This deep shame comes to be avoided precisely by perfectionism, in the idea that if you are perfect, you need not feel shame. Obviously, this creates a vicious circle from which it is very hard to get out.

Signs that you might be a perfectionist

You can have perfectionist tendencies from time to time without suffering from perfectionism. For example, if you’re in a stressful period of your life, stress caused by work, family, relationship.

However, if these tendencies are frequent or pervasive, then we can speak of perfectionism.

A perfectionist might do any of the things below:

• Put off a task until they are convinced they can do it without fail (which sometimes never happens and they don’t do it at all)
• Do something in an abnormally long time, e.g. take half an hour to write a 3-line post.
• Not considering a task complete until it is up to his or her standards (higher than the one who gave the task)
• Comparing himself unfavourably with others (others are always better, more talented, faster, even luckier)
• Focus only on the end result, not the process.
• To believe that nothing is worth doing unless you can do it perfectly.
• Have an “all or nothing” mindset. Nearly perfect is failure, in his eyes.
• Being overly self-critical and focusing only on mistakes and imperfections. He seems to see only places where he could do better.
• Be motivated by fear rather than ambition or the desire to succeed.
• To take any criticism as a personal affront, even if it was constructive and well-intentioned criticism.
• Types of perfectionism

There are 3 types of perfectionism.

Perfectionism related to personal standards: These people have extremely high personal standards. It can be a less harmful form of perfectionism, provided those standards are achievable and act as a motivator. If those standards lead to burnout and burnout, then it is also a harmful form.

Self-critical perfectionism: These people feel intimidated or even blocked by their own standards. Nothing is good enough, least of all themselves as a person.

Socially prescribed perfectionism: These people impose impossible standards on others. This includes those in highly demanding professions, such as surgeons, engineers, lawyers. This is also where young people in education come in, whose parents demand that they get straight A’s.

Effects of perfectionism

In addition to a negative self-image, perfectionists face a whole range of ailments and problems, including:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder
• Suicidal tendencies
• Eating disorders or emotional eating
• Chronic fatigue syndrome or burnout
• Post-traumatic stress disorder
• Insomnia
• Migraines
• In what situations does perfectionism manifest itself

Because it comes in quite varied forms, it is useful to recall some of the situations in which it occurs.

In relationships or friendships: it manifests itself as exaggerated demands on the other person and unrealistic standards, which puts pressure on the relationship and causes tension and arguments.

In terms of physical appearance: this manifests itself as excessive concern about how you look, how many pounds you carry, different facial features you don’t like, and so on. Perfectionism in this area can trigger eating disorders such as bulimia or anorexia, exercise addiction (yes, there is such a thing) or a serious form of self-image disorder called body identity and integrity disorder (for example, people who have all kinds of cosmetic surgery to change their bodies).

In terms of hygiene and health: Perfectionism manifested here can cause obsessive-compulsive disorder (e.g. you’ve just showered but you do it again because you still don’t feel clean) or trigger a condition called orthorexia nervosa, a disorder of those who feel compelled to adhere strictly to a particular diet they perceive as the healthiest.

In relation to the environment: This includes people who are obsessed with cleanliness and tidiness and cannot tolerate a speck of dust in their home. These people are capable of spending a whole day cleaning the month everywhere, and then starting all over again the next day.

At school or work: Perfectionists might miss deadlines for assignments just because they fear they haven’t done a perfect job, or they might even skip an important exam or meeting, again for fear of getting something wrong.

What causes perfectionism?

There are many factors that can contribute to the development of perfectionism, there is no single cause. Most likely, at least one of the following is present:

• A childhood in which at least one parent had tendencies toward perfectionism or was overly critical of the child and expressed disappointment when the child did not meet his or her standards.
• A childhood in which parents demanded excellence in all areas, for example, to get straight A’s.
• An insecure attachment style.
• Disorders such as anxiety or obsessive-compulsive disorder.
• People who have performed outstandingly well in the past may feel pressured to achieve the same standards over and over again, and this self-imposed pressure may lead to perfectionism.
• A history of childhood abuse: Perfectionists self-abuse through self-criticism, but they usually do so because they are repeating a pattern of past abuse.

Can perfectionism be cured?

Clearly, perfectionism is treatable. But if you suffer from perfectionism, you may be tempted to hide the fact that you have a problem, making it difficult, if not impossible, to ask for help.

But if perfectionism is preventing you from having a fulfilling life, it’s worth asking for that help. Perfectionism actually prevents you from achieving your goals, and causes you stress on top of it.

In therapy, you can learn to reframe your goals and thoughts in more constructive ways, and resolve past traumas that have triggered these thought patterns.