When approaching the decision to start a psychotherapy process, finding a good psychotherapist or psychologist is only part of the problem. When discussing the psychotherapeutic process, we have 3 important and essential decisions to make in order for the psychotherapeutic approach to be productive:

• decide to go to psychotherapy
• choosing the right psychotherapist
• to engage seriously in the psychotherapeutic process

You might be surprised that among the 3 is not the decision to change something in your thinking or behaviour. This element is missing because the patient may sometimes decide as a result of therapy that they do not want change, usually because they conclude that the price they have paid for it is too high.

But even in these circumstances, the therapeutic process is extremely valuable for the patient because after understanding the phenomenon (or gaining insight, as this stage is called in psychotherapy), they have the choice to change or not, which gives them a sense of security, of regaining control over what is happening to them.

I have already written about the need for psychotherapy, so in what follows I will discuss the second aspect, the choice of psychotherapist.

How to choose a good therapist for you?

I suggest you consider 3 elements when choosing the psychotherapist you will work with. A good psychotherapist or psychologist will not necessarily have to meet all the criteria, but they will (I hope) help you to make the best decision for you.

A friend’s recommendation for a psychologist or psychotherapist

In psychotherapy there is a lot of referral work and many patients first enter a psychotherapist’s office because they have been referred by someone they know and trust. I want to point out one risk with this method of selection: you should make sure that the person making the referral is similar to you in terms of temperament and relationship style. Otherwise, there is a risk that the psychotherapist is right for the referrer but not for you.

A good psychologist for a friend is not necessarily the best choice for you. An alternative way to make sure you make the right decision is to ask for more details about how that psychotherapist works: what their approach is, what methods and techniques they use, and so on.

Training of the psychologist or psychotherapist

Regardless of your choice, my recommendation is to choose a professional. Professional psychotherapists are accredited by the Romanian College of Psychologists. Accreditation is not a guarantee as to how suitable that psychotherapist will be for you but it is a guarantee that they are theoretically well trained (how well they apply that information is another discussion).

Preparing to work with something as delicate as the human psyche cannot be done in a few weeks or months, no matter how intensive the training program. The information and working methods are learned and practised over years and it is this theoretical and methodological framework that forms the foundation of a therapeutic process that is of benefit to the patient.

The working style of each psychotherapist

There are many schools (also called orientations) of psychotherapy. When looking for a good psychotherapist or psychologist for you, you may be overwhelmed by the number of them and the idea that you should study in detail what theory each one is based on so that you can choose what suits you best. Don’t worry, it’s not that complicated and you don’t have to research for months before you can make an informed decision.

Schools of psychotherapy can be divided according to a whole range of criteria, but for the purposes of this discussion, we’ll divide them simply into:

• schools of psychotherapy in which the main working tool is discussion between psychotherapist and patient
• classical (Freudian) psychoanalysis
• analytical (Jungian) psychotherapy
• individual psychotherapy (Adlerian)
• person-centred psychotherapy
• existential psychotherapy
• Gestalt psychotherapy
• etc.
• schools of psychotherapy in which the main instrument is the patient’s movement, possibly followed by a therapeutic discussion
• drama therapy
• music therapy
• dance therapy
• art therapy (focusing more on the visual arts and less on the performing arts such as dance, music, theatre, etc.)

Within the first category there are variations in working methods. For example, in Freudian psychoanalysis the patient is often seated horizontally on a couch (as you have probably seen in films) whereas in Adlerian psychotherapy for example (but not only in Adlerian psychotherapy), the patient and the psychotherapist sit in a chair or armchair in roughly the same position.

This example might seem superficial but it is nevertheless important because it has to do with the patient’s expectations when they enter the practice. Of course, there are theoretical differences between the schools of psychotherapy and in order to explore them in more depth it would be necessary to study information on each of them. If you want to do that, this extensive list of the different types of psychotherapy is a great start.

However, I have good news for you: I don’t think it’s absolutely necessary to do this. I think the school of psychotherapy to which the psychotherapist belongs matters much less than

• how he or she uses the theoretical framework, and especially
• his or her own style of working.

I don’t think that absolutely one school of psychotherapy is better than another. But I do think that each psychotherapist chooses the school in which he or she will study according to his or her own beliefs and values (or at least that’s the way it should be).

Which means that that psychotherapist will work best with the theoretical framework provided by the school he or she belongs to, because it is the one that best suits his or her personality and beliefs. Ideas in essence are neither better nor worse than others, their fit with the fundamental structure of the psychotherapist’s personality is what makes them applicable in an appropriate way.

I advise you to consider all 3 elements when choosing your psychotherapist and to rely on your intuition. Intuition has gotten a bad reputation lately, perhaps because we like to think of ourselves as rational and calculated people and relying on intuition might seem impulsive at first glance.

But intuition is actually an extremely fast cognitive process that we don’t yet understand well enough. And intuition has a definite role to play in a person’s life and, if listened to at the right time, can save us from a whole series of poor choices.

I’ll also review some fairly common myths that you might want to take note of to make sure they don’t influence your decision.

Common myths

1. There is no best psychologist or psychotherapist 

Psychotherapy is not a prize race, and psychotherapists in general have nowhere to compete to prove their skills, even if some of them really are competitive beings. Therefore, such a ranking does not exist and will never exist, even among psychotherapists with the same training. This is the bad news. The good news is that everyone can decide in their heart of hearts to consider themselves the best, if that makes them feel better.

2. It is a subjective judgment to say that someone is a good psychologist or a good psychotherapist

When you say someone is a good psychologist or a good psychotherapist, you are saying it from your point of view. Maybe that person has helped you through a difficult time in your life or maybe they have opened up new horizons for you. That means that the above 3 criteria were met simultaneously and that your therapy was successful. However, this does not mean that the therapist will be right for everyone and regardless of the situation of the person who comes into their office.

3. For someone to be a good psychologist or a good psychotherapist, they don’t have to be perfect

There is no such thing as a good psychologist or psychotherapist in general or one who is right for all patients. That’s why I don’t think you should get discouraged if you have already made a bad choice. And if you are already in psychotherapy with a psychotherapist you think is not quite right for your style, I encourage you to discuss this openly. You can decide together how to proceed next: either change your approach or way of working, or even end the therapy. If you feel that something is wrong, chances are that your therapist has the same reservations. And sticking to the same course is in no one’s interest.

I wish you the best of luck!